Making yourself off-the-charts relatable to your kindreds
A 4-part framework for figuring out why you get your kindreds so deeply
I'd love to help you find YOUR way in this new Hot Dog Cart era!
I (l-i-t-e-r-a-l-l-y) have no doubt that 2025 is going to be a transformative year for you (personally + professionally) because I’ve never felt this clear on how I can help you do the brave things, work through the scary stuff, and take the important steps to heal from all the capitalist indoctrination + evolve into who you want to be… at a pace that works with the 100's of things you've already got going on in life.
Let’s make “health + happiness first “ blissfully simple + sustainable so you can do the work you love, make the income you want, and live the beautiful life you crave!
Relatability is the reason we have childhood friends, work friends, college friends, online friends, day-drinking during playdate friends, and every category in between, who are nothing alike.
Weddings, anniversary parties, baby showers, and birthdays are, socially speaking, my nightmare, but they feed my human psychology obsession like nothing else on the planet.
I’m a card-carrying, placard-posting, invite-dodging introvert (an INFJ, the rarest personality type at only 2% of us on the planet) who loves, and I mean loooooves, to watch the social dynamics and interpersonal interactions in situations where total strangers are put together in a “one degree of separation” way (they all know the guest(s) of honor).
I could people-watch at these events. All. Day. Long!
But, I’ve been told that’s called staring. 🤷🏻♀️
Relatability is part of how we find a point of connection with someone.
It’s like pinpointing our safe zone — the entry point where it’s “ideal” to open the dialogue.
Ever notice how the conversations at these types of events almost always starts with…
“How do you know [guest(s) of honor]?"
I mean, what the fuck else are you supposed to say to break the ice with a complete stranger when you’re suddenly elbow to elbow with them at a 6-foot round, fold-out banquet table, at your best friend’s, sister’s wedding?
One of two things usually ends up happening at these events:
Scenario No. 1
Everybody exclusively talks amongst their circle (co-workers, mom friends, college friends, etc.) and politely ignores the outsiders after asking the obligatory question above, of course… and maybe even a few follow-up questions. They’re polite!
Scenario No. 2
Or, one or more of the extroverted “connectors” at the party politely fills the air with questions, stories, and conversations that (to their credit) create connections (i.e. finding points of relatability) between the strangers.
Example…
Connector: Dre meet my friend Lola, she runs her own business too, and she’s got all the attitude and light you would love. **looks at Lola** I was just talking to Dre about her business and it was like listening to you when you get on a roll. You guys have to talk! **then flutters off**
We’re hardwired to immediately seek out the relatability of an individual because that tells us, from a perception standpoint, lots of clues about whether they’re our “type of person”.
Your job, as a creator + brand, is to give your kindreds the most obvious and important clues.
You want them to know that you don’t just have something in common with them, you have something in common with them that most people don’t.
You want them to know that you get them because you’re just like them.
There are FOUR different approaches I use to find points of connection between my clients + their kindreds: life circumstance, extracurricular passion, core value, or challenge.
1. Rummage Through Your Life Circumstances
There’s an extra layer to every struggle that you and your kindred have, and that’s the life circumstances you find yourself in. Look at your everyday life and the realities + limitations that it presents to see if there’s a rare commonality shared between the two of you.
Examples:
✅ You’re both military vets with multiple tours under your belt
✅ You’re both full-time parents to toddler-age children
✅ You both live (or want to live) a nomadic life
✅ You both live with an invisible illness
✅ You’ve both lived abroad for years
✅ You’re both marginalized for things you have no control over
2. Browse Your Extracurricular Activities
There’s way more to YOU than what you do for a living, and the same goes for your kindred. Look at the areas of your life that bring you the most joy but are completely unrelated to your business (and even market) to see if there’s a rare commonality shared between the two of you there.
Examples:
✅ You both swear by [specific form of exercise]
✅ You’re both committed to sustainable living
✅ You both follow minimalism practices loosely but intentionally
✅ You’re both die hard [sports team] fans
✅ You’re both into astrology
✅ You both only buy American-made cars
3. Flip Through Your Core Values
Both you and your kindred have unspoken rules of conduct that are ingrained in your beings. Look at the nonnegotiable principles you live your life by to see if there’s a rare commonality shared between the two of you.
Examples:
✅ Neither of you would ever consider getting married
✅ Both of you are anti-capitalists
✅ You both prefer to use humor to talk about dark topics
✅ You’re both people-pleasers
✅ Neither of you will ever be caught dead cold-calling for business
✅ You both pray for answers and strength when you need them
4. Unpack Your Challenges
Not all connection points come from the pleasurable sides of our lives; often the pain or struggle we’re most embarrassed or ashamed of is the most resonating point of relatability between a creator and their kindred. Look at the passengers on your past struggle buses to see if there’s a rare commonality shared between the two of you.
Examples:
✅ You both lost a parent at a very young age
✅ You’ve both been in abusive relationships
✅ You both had to file for bankruptcy
✅ You were both in horrible car accidents that left you disabled
✅ You’re both introverts
✅ You’ve both gone through miscarriages
✅ You’re both triggered by most of what’s online
There's no approach that's more potent than the others. What makes for potency when it comes to your point of connection is how rare the commonality is.
If the point of connection doesn’t feel so rare it kinda scares you, you haven't gotten to the rarest one.
Remember, you’re not looking for any ol’ random thing you have in common. You’re looking for something that’s so rare that it instantly makes you members of a very exclusive club.
The kind of commonality that, when made, is like a secret handshake.
When you get to this kind of shared understanding, walls crumble, skepticism tempers, and minds open.
I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU To Brainstorm Your Heart Out
Your brainstorm, should you choose to do the ooey-gooey work it takes to find the kind of people who'll elbow a bitch to hire you, is to brainstorm points of connection in each of the four categories I’ve just run through in this lesson — life circumstances, extracurricular activities, core values, and challenges — so you can pinpoint the rarest commonality that exists between you and your kindred.
How do you know if you’re on the right track when it comes to “rare”?
✅ Does it scare you how specific + personal it is?
IF YES, you’re most likely hovering right around, if not dead center over, rare.
IF NOT, you’re likely nowhere near rare and probably need to dig deeper into your humanness or get better acquainted with the character who’s playing the starring role of kindred in your business.
Whichever end of the “rare” scale you find yourself on, I’d love to hear what you’re working with. I bet an extra set of eyes (attached to a broad who genuinely gives a shit) wouldn’t hurt! 👀
To relating like you never knew you could,
Dre “The Kindred Whisperer” Beltrami
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I'm still reading, but when I saw this... "I’m a card-carrying, placard-posting, invite-dodging introvert (an INFJ, the rarest personality type at only 2% of us on the planet) who loves, and I mean loooooves, to watch the social dynamics and interpersonal interactions in situations where total strangers are put together in a “one degree of separation” way (they all know the guest(s) of honor)."
...I sat back and sighed.
"Dre is my loveable Jiminey Cricket who showed up when I hit rock bottom...unknown to anyone around me...to show me I'm not hopeless, or useless, and that all the fighting to keep from making a permanent choice to a temporary solution has been worth it.
[Don't worry, I'm okay...]
Thank you for showing up, Dre.
...more than you know.
Dre, I find the framework in this article interesting, yet it misses a fundamental aspect of connection. There’s a significant difference between the simple act of “relating” to someone and finding a truly enriching, mutual relationship. Yes, shared experiences or values can create initial bonds, but that doesn’t mean these connections are fulfilling or genuinely nourishing.
In my experience, I've had connections that were just that—connections. They were often maintained out of habit or convenience, but they didn’t bring any real depth, growth, or a sense of mutual appreciation. At some point, I realized that these relationships, while perhaps pleasant distractions, weren’t worth holding onto simply for the sake of having them. I learned that I’d rather be socially isolated for a while than settle for connections that aren’t on the same wavelength, that aren’t genuinely fulfilling.
Real, transformative connection is more than just a shared circumstance or interest. It’s a resonance—a kind of mutual respect, understanding, and appreciation that goes beyond the superficial. And sometimes, it’s worth waiting for that kind of connection, even if it means letting go of what simply fills space.